Learning more

After the scans my moods changed a lot sometimes I was up then I would be down... I had a chat with a very good friend of mine she told me to read a book called Angel's in my hair by Lorna Byrne this may sound dramatic but that book changed my life, it was like an Angel touched my very soul. Me and Chris decided we would like to get Blake and Tia Christened, so I got in touch with our local reverend via email, and was really chuffed to get a reply, she came to visit and we had a long chat about how life had been for us both over the five years, and that we wanted a fresh start, our rev is called Eve and I must say she's such a beautiful person inside and out and I felt that from our first meeting. Tia took to her like a duck on water and that is a compliment as she never very forward when meeting strangers!  Eve said she would put Blake on the prayer list and said a prayer for him with us it made me feel very emotional she really lifted my spirits. She also told us about Messy Church, were people from the village get together and do loads of fun things like painting and crafts as well as dinner! it sounded right up my street with me being an Artist. Tia loves stuff like that and it was based at her pre-school one Sunday every month. We thought it would be a great way to meet people too.

Just over a year ago I was meant to go to France to see my Dad, and my Mum was going to be there as well but her plans changed due to an appointment she had to make, something in the pit of my stomach did not want me to go to France I was totally drawn to go to my Mums in Yorkshire, it was like I had to go... something told me I must go.. I did, I went up on the plane with Tia she was 16 months at the time. It was a good week then the day before I was due to go home I got a call from my Mum, I was visiting a friend at the time!

Mum was not making much sense saying my Friend was there with her and that she needed to speak, my Friend came on the line and told me the worst news, her beautiful daughter 'Tia's best friend' had passed away..... I went straight to her I had to hold her in my arms. I stayed with her throughout it was very emotional to much to even bare writing the pain...  I felt her pain as a mother, a friend.... I new there was a reason I had to be there in Yorkshire. I had to be by my friends side.  Before I left I said to my friend
"A baby's soul picks there mother before there born, she picked you! even for the short time she was here she wanted to be your daughter." now she is an Angel. We all miss her so much.

The book I read by Lorna Bryne had virtually that same sentence 'the baby's soul picks you' and the thing is I don't know where it came from when I said it too my friend. when I read it I remembered telling her. My heart swelled and I rubbed my bump and said to myself, You picked me because I am strong and you know I will be a mother that will be like a lioness to her cubs. then he kicked me. lol
That book flicked a switch in my head....... believe it or not I believe in angel's.

We had our first visit from our Cleft nurse she brought photo's of before and after surgery I didn't realize there were so many different Clefts. I showed Tia pictures I thought it would be best that way she would also be prepared, she just said 'mummy it's a baby' she wasn't even fazed, bless her heart. The cleft nurse told us what we may expect and even the problems that could accrue that come with having a Cleft... several surgeries, deafness, speech therapy, dental care, ear infections, feeding, we would have to use special bottles, and that I probably would not be able to breast feed, this upset me a little I really wanted to do this as I did it for six months with Tia, In my eye's it gives the best start in life. It was over whelming but knowing my baby boy was going to be in brilliant hands at Salisbury hospital made me feel OK.

I must say the support I had from close friends and family was brilliant, Me and Chris decided not to tell too many people we wanted to keep it private from social network sites. I rang my Nanna Capel and told her the news she was very concerned my Uncle Dom came on the phone, he said " Jemma it doesn't matter what he looks like, you are a brilliant mother and we will all love him, its easily fixed, these things happen sometimes " I said thank you so much I put the phone down and cried it was what I needed to hear it touched my heart.

Like I said you go through so many emotions in stages its a bit like grief in a way. We learnt as much as we could throughout my pregnancy. I joined CLAPA online and I found an amazing site on Facebook that was brilliant and really helped and I found myself helping an supporting other mum's to be, I even found an article in Mother and Baby magazine about a mothers journey with her little boy! it really helped me so I photocopied it and posted it to several mothers going through the same things as me, I became part of the Facebook Cleft Lip & Palate Group we are a family. :)